Hall of Fame

- - - JUST THINKING - - -

Was just listening to The Script's Hall of Fame (feat. Will. i. am). 

Yeah, You could be the greatest
You can be the best
You can be the king kong banging on your chest

You could beat the world
You could beat the war

You could talk to God, go banging on his door

I was thinking how sometimes you CAN'T achieve all your dreams, SOMETIMES it's not possible, no matter how hard you try, to be a rock star or a celeb or a professor or anything for that matter. We are told we can then we feel disappointed when we can't.

Having said this, I was also thinking that the 'anything is possible' thing has really worked for me in some ways cos I haven't given up fighting sickness or stayed stuck as a bitter person and it has helped me hugely with the jewellery-making, teaching and the people I meet.

Having said THAT, I guess I am learning that being YOU, being 'normal' doesn't make you any less special. I think what's important is to love and be loved, to help people, to do right by them, to challenge your own attitudes, to seek help when you need it. And yes, aim high, but find out what you want to do, what you're good at, who you are.

I saw a dog's paw prints as I was walking by the water and I was thinking that a dog doesn't necessarily aspire to anything, he or she knows what they need to do and do it. And treated well, they are happy. I am not saying we should be like dogs, we are not dogs but perhaps we could learn a thing or two from them?

Just food for thought. Ideas?

Annie x

WHAT DREAMS MAY COME




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0q2NE14szbg




I think having dreams is crucial - it helps us have hope and I like the saying that 'if you shoot for the moon then at least you'll land among the stars' but I also think that sometimes we are being taught we can have anything we want and don't see what's right in front of us or sometimes we don't get the guy (or the girl), the car, the job, the stardom, the successful business, the happy life, etc. Or we strive and strive for something and when it doesn't happen, we feel we have failed. Perhaps start with a dream you know is attainable and as you grow and as you achieve one, aim a little higher - I don't know - just a thought?

Also I looked into the eyes of a gaunt, starving baby on the Ewan McDonald Unicef ad and I had what can only be described as a wake-up call - here is a crisis in Africa where 1 million children are literally starving to death and I'm worried about suburban comfort. Shame on me. Time to get things in order financially and start helping those kids. I hope one day if I do achieve a level of 'fame' (way too bigger word for it) or success, these kids will be the people who benefit after my own family.


Love,


Annie xx

And Our Hearts Bleed...

How they bleed!

We've been through some pretty horrendous things; 15 years of chronic illnesses, watching our beloved dog get run over and die before our very eyes, losing an unborn baby and my two best friends, marriage strains, and struggles and financial stresses that nearly sent us bankrupt. I left my husband in the hospital late one night wondering if he would die of Meningitis in the night and cried while his parents' slept in our bed next door. I seizured so badly - 7 times in one day - that I felt myself lift out of my body and I didn't feel ready to go.
In the last few months we have had Giardia, I have had scary test results and a procedure that made me wish I was a man.  Then last Friday I crashed our car.  It was written off and I suffered whiplash.

I started to cry.  Why us? What was next? Why this string of 'bad luck'?

When I asked God, He said 'you just watch the good come from this'.  I realised that when the Bible said the devil meant it for evil but God will use it for good, he meant it. It doesn't mean I'll become perfectly healthy or that nothing bad will ever happen again - but EVERYTHING bad can be turned on its head! Even in death we are victors!

But I digress...

You can look at this list of my misfortunes with sympathy or you can read it clinically like a catalogue of the human condition but the point is it probably isn't much different from the road you have travelled.  Maybe the circumstances aren't the same, but the pain often is.

Do you know I actually thought that I had it rougher than most people? I am embarrassed to even write this but I really thought my life in the Outhouse stunk more than anyone else's. How often can things go wrong but if we are in a good place, it doesn't seem so bad. Or we can have wonderful things happening around us but we are miserable on the inside, bound by hurt, pain, fear and rejection. 

I bet the same grief we experienced over our dog and little girl has sucker-punched YOU in the stomach too.  I bet the abandonment I felt during my illness and part of my childhood has manifested itself in you when someone you love left you or let you down.  I wonder if you have felt the same frustration at something or someone that I felt at my illness.

We are not so different you and I.

But let me tell you one thing - I am going to ask God that good comes from every suckful situation in your life.  Something so inherently delightful and amazing that you will heal and marvel at the extraordinary God we have and the fragile gift that is life.

How are hearts bleed...but oh how they love.

And watch this space.

Annie xx

P.S. Necklace made by Annie Blackberry (my Alter-Ego :) )

Your Outhouse, My Outhouse

There is no beauty in an outhouse - not really.  But if there is, I'm finding it. I've sat amongst the immovable  stench of s*** in the enclosed space of my life, completely scared to venture outside but hating where I've been trapped.

I've realised that although the outhouse itself is not beautiful, what I've found while sitting there has been beautiful.  The realisations, hope, healings and friendships I have, have been found in that outhouse.

Ok, stop the metaphors.

I've been through CFS (M.E), Toxoplasmosis, PCOS, Anxiety, Depression, IBS, Functional Seizures and Weakness, Glandular Fever (Mono) and too many other things to name. I've known grief and despair that has almost sent me to the end of myself and also sometimes a joy that makes me wonder if I've had a taste of Heaven.  And I bet you've been through a lot yourself.  I bet sometimes you don't feel heard and wonder if anyone hears. I am wondering if you have spent nights crying into your pillow, crushed by disappointment and heartache or perhaps just numb with the shock of life.

I want you to know that you are not alone.  You are heard.

I'll start by being completely honest: I follow Christ.  If you have been hurt by Christians (heck, I have!) I am truly sorry - please know this is not reflection of Christ. But I would love you to read on regardless of what you believe because I believe people need love, and, without love we have nothing.
I talk to God a lot and I hope some of the answers I get I can share with you.  I hope I can encourage you lightheartedly and on a deeper level also.

I'd love you to join this blog and come here whenever you need encouragement and empathy.

What beauty have you found in the outhouse?

Annie xx